Background Info (Part 2)

With the help of my parents I made the huge decision to apply for an Instructional Assistant position at an elementary school in a program for students with social/emotional/behavioral issues.
I knew this was the responsible thing to do, I needed something with benefits that would allow me to save for the future.
I was offered the position, and of course accepted it. This was going to be a great position for me, a smart move financially, as well as a great experience that could open more doors for me in the future.

The MAJOR negative to accepting this position was that I’d no longer be able to nanny for my girls after school. The timing wouldn’t work out, there was just no way I’d be able to make it to their house in time to get them off the bus.
My heart was completely broken at just the thought of not seeing them nearly every day as I had for the past seven and a half years. During my time with my girls, I’d formed incredible bonds with each of them and I truly love them.
When the day came for their parents and I to tell them that I wouldn’t be nannying for them anymore, my stomach was in knots and I was fighting off tears all day. (I have tears now as I write this remembering that day).
I was able to talk just long enough to tell them what I would be doing and why I wouldn’t be able to be there in the afternoons anymore. Then the crying began; first L started and at that point I was immediately unable to hold back my tears anymore. E then began to cry, and by the end all 5 of us were either crying or quietly wiping away tears.
It’s now 5 months later and we’re all pretty well adjusted to our new normal. I think the saving grace for me is that I work the before school program from 7-8:30, then my IA position from 8:45-3:10, followed by the extended day program from 3:15-6. Doing that five days a week keeps me very busy. I still miss my girls everyday and I’m still sad that I’m not with them. Although, it makes the times that I do see them even more special. Whether it’s watching L cheer at the football game, watching E play for one of her hockey teams, taking them out to do something, or just stopping by to visit, and of course babysitting whenever they need it!

So that brings us to now. Tomorrow school starts up again after February vacation this past week. I worked the extended day vacation program, so only had a slight break myself.
I really do enjoy what I’m doing. There are certainly times when it is stressful and you’re dealing with things that would NEVER occur in a regular ed. classroom. But I also know that if I worked in a regular ed. classroom I would be bored to tears! I feel like I’m well suited for this position and that it is also well suited for me.

Sometimes no matter how necessary change may be, it still brings heartache. Life forces us to move on, but it doesn’t force us to never look back. I often find myself wishing for more hours in the day so that I can see my girls more, but thanks to iPhones and iPads we can at least text and FaceTime each other. I know that I’m extremely blessed that E and L's parents consider me family and that I can still be a part of their lives.

Now excuse me while I go wipe my tears away and blow my nose. I promise I won’t take 7 months to  write/post my next blog!!

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